he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have so many feelings about this burrito
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
