garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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