Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it was like eating out sand paper
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
