I look better un-naked...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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