Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
