Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
