Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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