Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
