Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
