i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
