I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
