Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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