As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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