What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize