Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
