i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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