is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
