Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
