And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
