She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
