oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
