Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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