I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
