Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
