i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
