she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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