i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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