8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
