Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
