dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
