I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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