Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
