It's like a parade of train wrecks.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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