He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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