i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
