We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Even my vagina gasped.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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