awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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