She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
