if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
