is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
