just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
