i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
