dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
