Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
