non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
