i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize