did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
