i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
