You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
