In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
