i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
