I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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