i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pooping to opera.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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