I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
