five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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