Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
