so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
