I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
