sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
