I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
