Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
