it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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