OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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