Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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