I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
