Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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