I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
