I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up under a house in Key West
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
