i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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