Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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