careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
