Moan for me like Helen Keller
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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