It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
